I am Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. In my life I have seen much, experienced all emotions from exultation to despair, lost all and gained all.


I was born in England and raised in South Africa, but my home shall forever be my beloved capitol of San Francisco. I came there as a business man and did well in that capacity, thought myself a prince and through arrogance became a pauper. A bad investment destroyed all that I had built for myself, and so I left it behind. Like the Buddha of the orient I walked among the human wilderness and became for the first time truly familiar with hunger and want and suffering. Everywhere, I saw the inadequacies and injustices of the world. Everywhere, I heard men calling out for a hero to lead them, a leader to guide them, a King to protect them.

In the year of our lord 1859, I returned to my beloved San Francisco, I proclaimed myself and was acknowledged as Emperor of the United States of America, and set about to ameliorate the evils under which the country was laboring. I ordered public work projects to improve the economy, quelled racial and sectarian violence, and began the work of human unity through the establishment of a League of Nations. I ruled in peace and humility, choosing to aggrandize myself with neither crown nor throne, and I loved and was loved by all of my subjects for twenty-one years.

On the rainy evening of the 8th of January in 1880, I was on my way to a lecture at the California Academy of Sciences when I felt an impact in my chest. It was as though I had been struck by a great fist, which proceed to squeeze me about the ribs such that I could not breathe. I fell.


I fell through the sidewalk and into darkness, for a moment that lasted an eternity.


I struck hot sand, felt warm water lapping at my feet. I awoke to find myself upon a beach before a small settlement that I would come to know as Durham. How had I come to be there? Had I been kidnapped by ransomers? Had I fallen through some hole in the world? Had I died? Or had I simply gone mad?

Within me there was a spark, a sense of purpose, a feeling I could not explain that there was some reason for all of this.

Setting aside my existential crisis for more practical concerns, I set about learning what I could about this island, and found only new oddities. The fearful screams of the damned seem to echo up from hell, men seemingly from all different regions and eras coexists, and death it's self seems to hold no sway. I remember sometimes at night, the first time I was struck down; the sensation of my skull crumbling under the ruffian's cudgel, the loss of vision as my left eye socket collapsed, the sense of leaving my body and being pulled into a new one. Try as I might to ignore them, the questions haunted me.

In Derby I heard rumors of a theologian, a man of both faith and science who had made his home among the natives of Wiksik. I sought him out, hoping to find answers, but he could not give them to me. However, his compassion and his friendship were unexpectedly helpful. In out discussions I found his optimism infectious, the spark of purpose within me became a fire, and the existential horror of my situation became a wondrous mystery.


Now I seek answers and truths. Am I dead? Am I mad? Or is the world simply a different place than I had always believed? Why have I come here? Does it matter?

I have shed no blood, robbed no one, and despoiled no country. Whatever my situation, I remain Norton I; Emperor of the United States, and Protector of Mexico. If there are answers to be had I will find them. And if there is a way to be found, I will return to my beloved San Francisco and my beloved subjects. If I must slay Almighty God himself, I will find my way home.




As Emperor, it is right and proper to remember who my friends are, and so I keep a list of those who have shown me respect and compassion despite my currently diminished state. When I return to my kingdom, I will see them rewarded.

They who have shown me kindness when I could offer no reward:
Olivia Appleby, Miriam, Gorry Louis, Christina Rose, Tree Huggerikhw, Baynes, Sods, Honey de Lune, Groundskeeper, Pelleas, RustyGuns, Sardonica, Leroy, John Sambos, Filth Wizard, Allanon the Wise, Kakepatis, Swamp Thing, Eos, Mint-Berry Crunch, Tommy Sphincter, AmIDead, Hugh Hefner, Urban Dead, Doctor Beatnik, azuma, Digger McGee, Zhao Shi Li, Mondo Cane, Katie Calhoun, sscott, yik, Sir Ulrich, Indiana Joan, Radio BarnCat, Conu'co, Khal Athrokhar, Kyunga, Black Rum, Helena Handbasket, Winston T. Monocle, Xev, Sara, Tischalla, Captain Phish, woodrow guthrie, Junkhead, Anaru Kamora, Kelcir, Jean Lafitte, Neil Tathers, lacuna, retribution, Ace, Tiny Tina, Loathsome Larry, Eekum Bokum, Hurricane Irene, Kakekot, Warren Moon, Raven Black, Josephine, Edwin, Timna Molby, Blowme Darts, Junpei, Polybius, Wind Weaver, Carrie White, Dether'oc, Tom Foolery, Carreau, Valek Darkmist, violet silence, andu, Fester Shinetop, Nihlia, kiwimage

They who have shown me respect despite my diminished circumstances:
Rex Feral, Pawakan, Budd Dwyer, Hafta, bigtime, Starfyr, Eric Draven, [profile]FirstAmongstDaves[/profile], Ol' Morriss, Dani al-Ghazali, mac knife

They who have been my friends:
SofaKing, Darwin Saint-Luke, Ruhisai