An enormous Haast's eagle

Avatar for An enormous Haast's eagle

Home: Rakmogak
Been on the island since 2016-01-08
Died: 73 times (last time was 2017-05-25 08:35 at the hands of FlayII, killed by a machete)
Level: 21
Class: Cannibal (native)
Primary Clan: None chosen


Much bigger than shargles. Those things are pussies compared to a Haast's eagle. See comparison picture, right. The shargle is the scared wee black one. The Haast's eagle is the one about to tear the shargle a door big enough to park your people-mover in.

"Haast's Eagle is a brain-aneurysm inducing species of gigantic man-eating winged monstrosities that became notorious among the Maori tribes of pre-colonial New Zealand thanks to their horrific propensity to silently dive-bomb down from the tree tops in absolute silence, crush the skulls of 450-pound beasts like a Volkswagen driving over a soda can, then fly off into the darkness clutching the tribe's women and children in a fist full of razor-sharp 4-inch talons so they could be slowly and painfully shredded to death at the beast's leisure.

This is not a myth or a legend. This is a real thing that actually lived on Earth-One's material plane as late as 1600 AD.

Known as the "Tiger of the Skies", Haast's Eagles are one of the only birds to ever be the apex predator of an ecosystem, a distinction they hold mostly because there are no predatory mammals on New Zealand, but also because what the fuck is going to step to a pissed-as-hell mega-raptor so ungodly gigantulous that it's wings blacken the sky and its insanity-causing shrieks presumably caused deafness and incontinence in anything unlucky enough to hear it. Gigantic, feather-covered instruments of God's Unadulterated Fury, Haast's Eagles stood six feet tall, weighed a little over 35 pounds, and had a wingspan of roughly ten feet. These goddamned things were, no exaggeration, the size of hang gliders, tore ass through the densest jungles of New Zealand with the dexterity of a howler monkey, and boasted black, pointy, fuck-off claws that were about the same size as a modern-day Bengal tiger's.

...Haast's Eagles were forest-dwelling eagles rather than soaring eagles, which means they relied on strong leg muscles, ridiculous vertical leaping ability, and were much more about flapping their wings around like rampaging flap-happy madmen than just coasting and gliding like a bunch of lazy assholes. They had crazy good eyesight, were ridiculously good at barrel-rolling through even the densest foliage, and had one of the most goddamned fucking terrifying methods of catching their prey this side of Air Jaws.

Basically, it worked like this. A Haast's Eagle would fly up to a branch near the top of a particularly tall tree, then sit there in complete silence, scanning the horizon with it's ultra-sharp eagle eyes (see what I did there) like a badass super-sniper assassin waiting patiently for his next kill. Then, once some moron was stupid enough to wander aimlessly into the Haast's Eagle's killzone, this thing would FREAK THE FUCK OUT, silently let go of the branch and kick in the afterburners all the way to the danger zone until it looked like the cover of Judas Priest's Screaming for Vengeance album cover. Then, before the idiot Moa or human or whatever it was hunting even heard a single noise, the Haast's Eagle would fucking PLOW into them at speeds of up to 60 miles an hour.

This was kind of like that, only completely silent and instead of a windshield you were being hit with two fists full of 4-inch talons the size of paring knives. The blow would crush the skull, spine, pelvis, or legs of the prey, then the Haast's Eagle would finish the job either by disemboweling you with its talons and beak or by snapping your bones with it's kung fu grip. We don't know exactly how mighty the grip strength on a Haast's Eagle was, but we do know that Bald Eagles which are a little less than half the size of a Haast's Eagle – grip with 350 psi in their talons. For reference, the average human male's maximum grip strength is 100 psi, and the bite of a German Shepherd is measured at 250 psi. So… yeah."


700psi. Don't fuck around with a Haast's eagle.

Especially an enormous one.

Can however be tamed by pretty, flirty girls.

[Character Disclosure Notice: The following characters are operated by the same player:=
a. Admiral Benzoylmethylecgonine
b. Ballbreaker Rockwell -
c. Death's Pale Horse -
d. An enormous Haast's eagle -

Help keep the game clean by disclosing all of your characters.]

They carry 5 skulls.

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Achievements:(7 total)
April Fools Day 2017 6 years old
Areas explored: 931 (25.7% of island)
HP Healed: 79
Trading Points: 102
Spirits Exorcised: 0 (not a shaman)
Wailing Damage: 0
Ritual Feasts: 311 (310 own kills)
Mentioned in 0 profile

The following extended statistics are since 1st Jan 2011.

Alcohol Brewed: 0
Alcohol Drunk: 2
Heads Collected: 64
Fruit Juiced: 9
Successful Possessions: 0
Tracks Found: 2
Fires Started: 0
Fires Extinguished: 0
Items Buried: 14
Items Found: 261
Jungle Chopped: 0
Parrots Tamed: 0 (not a pirate)
Monkeys Tamed: 0 (not a pirate)
Signposts Built: 16
Signposts Smashed: 0
Treasures Found: 0 (added 2014-07-14)

NPC kills: 42; last kill: songbird
 Animals: 41
 Shamans: 0
 Traders: 1
Natives killed: 0
 Raktam: 0
 Dalpok: 0
 Wiksik: 0
 Rakmogak: 0
Outsiders killed: 132; last kill: Henry Martin
 Derby: 49
 Durham: 29
 York: 15
 Shipwreck: 38
 Raktam: 1
NPC kills (detailed):
guard dog10
small deer1
Tamdal Gak1


This character has been idle since 2017-05-18.

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