Neil Milhouse Tathers

My name is Neil Milhouse Tathers. My father was one of the greatest hunters in all of Shartak until he took his own life in a fit of depression before coming back to life to run a wild game safari on the side of a mountain. After that, he went off to find my sister, but she was a deaf-mute and my dad knows Pecs, not Alexander Graham Bell, so he abandoned my sister to her own devices and decided that he was going to commit suicide again. On a small island. In a ruined tower. When my dad leaves the building, he does it with lots of drama.

It makes me sad that my father keeps knocking himself off like some retread '90s Bill Murray character. It makes me sadder that he gave me the worst middle name in the history of middle names. It makes me saddest that I don't know my mother's name.

Update: I'm making a new road from the mountain to Raktam. The old road goes past too many rocks. Good rulers keep subjects from getting hit on the head with rocks, whether falling or thrown. I'm going to be the bestest king ever!

Update: I am feeling stronger. I slash at the vines and trees and the elephant grasses. They slash back, in their own way, leaving a burning itch that sizzles as sweat pours in. It is the pain that drives me, the stench of my own body drawing in the predators who fall before my blade like the foliage. Could a person be a caretaker of both trail and native, pruning plant and man and animal to keep the peace? I must think on this.

Update: I must travel to the mountain and talk to the standing stones. They will tell me how to be the bestest king I can be. They will also tell me what I should add to the pouch of powdered water an outsider gave to me.

Update: I have crowned mysef King Neil II of Raktam, Long Live House Tathers!

Update: My dead dad is alive and still doesn't love me. I've had enough. I'm going to retire and open up a doughnut shop.