~*~ THE SAD SAGA OF BOBBEARD ~*~

Entries are made starting from most recent to the oldest.

THE DEGENERATION OF BOBBEARD'S TRANQUILITY
You attack Dappled Shadow with a cutlass for 3 damage. They die.
You say �Avast, ye Dappled Shadow! O' sweet succubus th' curves on your body be as mesmerizing to men as a lantern be t' moths!”
You say “Now, since I do recall a certain death o' mine by your hands, to the Davey Jones's Locker ye must go! Yarr harr!”
You attack Graagh with a shovel for 2 damage. They die.
Bobbeard urinates on Graagh's pathetically unconscious body
You say “That was for Pirate Bay you MPA loving bastard! Yarr!!”

THE NO NONSENSE, "TOUGH FATHERLY LOVE" OF BOBBEARD
Bobbeard rushes into the courtroom with his arms wide open, his eyelids shut while shedding tears by the gallon, and grips his son Vercingetorix in a powerful hug
Bobbeard opens his eyes and looks upwards, and sniffs before making addressing his son
You say “My boy, it's at times like these I cherish life the most, because this one of the few moments where me and you can spend some quality family time together.”
You say “You know, I understand why you decided to knock me out. I haven't exactly been the best dad. I've never spent much time fishing or hunting with you, or teaching you how to be a man. I'm proud at what”
You say “you've grown up to be, though, even without a strong fatherly figure to shadow you.”
Bobbeard bursts into tears, the salty moisture begins to fill the room's floor up to the audience's ankles, who just stand there dumbstruck by the comical spectacle.
You say “But you know, I payed for your education and your well being, so you shouldn't have bitten the hands that feed you...”
Bobbeard starts applying more force in his grip, Vercingetorix starts visibly quivering, his head darting across the room in a panic, while trying to squirm his way out of the bearhug.
Bobbeard starts cracking Vercingetorix's bones, which can be heard throughout the room
Bobbeard releases the fatigued Vercingetorix to the floor, who stumbles back up in a slouched position and adjusts his hair.
Bobbeard cocks his arm back, before disciplining his child with a bit of brute force.
Bobbeard releases the full force of his body weight through a fist through the air targeted at Vercingetorix's cranium, which sends him
flying through the air, his nose squirting blood, and bounces twice before crashing into a wall
You attack Vercingetorix with a punch for 2 damage. They die.
Bobbeard twists his content face into a wicked grin at the fallen body. His head tilts forwards, his eyes dissappear in the shade of his hat.
Bobbeard drops his gentlemanly linguistics, and readopts his stereotypical piratey accent.
You say “That me boy, was TOUGH fatherly love. Yarr!”

THE UNGRATEFULNESS OF BOBBEARD'S ILLEGITIMATE SON
Vercingetorix fires at you with a blowpipe for 4 damage. You die. (2009-03-15 23:18)
Vercingetorix collects the head of Bobbeard. (2009-03-15 23:18)
Vercingetorix carves something onto a tree. (2009-03-15 23:19)
You say “Dirty sum'bitch”

THE DIET OF BOBBEARD
A limited allowance of nothing but mangoes, coconuts, bananas, and
small monkeys can drop a few belt sizes pretty quick.

THE WICKED, VERY SNEAKY, HIT-AND-RUN TACTICS OF BOBBEARD
You attack Twist with a shovel for 2 damage. They die.
YARR!!
Your violent ways have angered the spirits of the ancestors.
They drain a significant amount of your energy as you pass through
the archway.

TURNED OUT TO BE A PROBLEM
Killed Cpl Withers and suddenly the police went after Bobbeard.
S0S helped Bobbeard by faking his death and smuggled him onto
a ship set straight for Singapore. Bless his generosity and culinary skills.
[Update: Sacred Space allows Bobbeard to transport from Singapore to Shartak
instantly, meaning he can be a father, a husband, and a badass pirate all at the same time]

PROBABLY NOT A PROBLEM
Keep getting randomly harassed by idiots in York. Will probably snap
and start murdering people unless they stop.

THE RETURN OF BOBBEARD(?)
I shall return. For political reasons, perhaps. Pirates deserve their
civil rights and Shartak has a noticeable apartheid against pirates.
People often have difficulty distinguishing between the educated, refined
gentlemen (and ladies!) against the deviant, cutthroat members of
the shipwreck. One can easily misinterpret the universal by
misunderstanding the particular.

THE DUPLICITOUS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN BOBS
You attack BobTheDull with a knife for two damage. They die.
You say “There's only room for ONE Bob in this part of the 'wreck! Arrr!”

THE LOVE RECTANGLE OF BOBBEARD (...and his wife, and the former
General of Raktam, and his former best friend...)
Bobbeard, being a virgin when he was stranded on the island, was puzzled
after two weeks of stay in Singapore on how his wife could bear a child
without the obvious not having occurred. Then Bobbeard noticed
the child's resemblance to one of his good friends from the tavern...
.
dun dun dun...
.
Though Bobbeard is not entirely guiltless of extramarital love
himself! (dun dun DUN!) One sunny day he was bathing in a pool
(he's more hygienic than most pirates) and then a beautiful, though
feisty amazon flung herself upon him, stole his virginity reserved for his wife,
and after her lust was fulfilled, she violently committed the act of the black widow and slew
him. Death was only temporary though, and he guided his soul back to his body.
[The result was Vercingetorix, Bobbeard has banished his native son
to make up stories to impress other Dalpoki, though Bobbeard is still
sad to hear his rapist is now deceased]
Note: Daves if you're reading this, this is my revenge for you randomly pking me :P

THE REDEMPTION OF BOBBEARD
Bobbeard realized the pointlessness of his stay in Shartak, and
decided to go out in a very manly way. He took a plane back to
Singapore and is now tending to his wife and his son he didn't know he had.

THE TRIBULATIONS OF BOBBEARD
A shark attacks you for 2 damage. You're now wounded and need first aid kit to heal your wounds.
You lose 1 HP from an old wound. Use a first aid kit to stop the bleeding before you die.

THE CHARITY OF BOBBEARD
Two peg-leg Fred says “I remember your kindness, arrrrrr....” (2008-11-16 03:06)
Two peg-leg Fred gives you 3 gold coins. (2008-11-16 03:06)
(I distribute FAKs and bottles of rum to people I meet around the island.
It's nice to see my kindness reciprocated)

THE IRONIC LAMENT OF BOBBEARD
zulu bomber attacks you with a cutlass for 3 damage. You die. (2008-11-05 14:53)
[They killed me, a pirate, with a cutlass! How ironic!]

THE CONFOUNDED VANITY OF BOBBEARD
A friendly native gave Bob a skull (name forgotten).
Bob likes the skull.
Please don't hurt Bob.

THE SHORNING OF BOBBEARD
Bobbeard got a shave!
I think his name is just Bob now.

THE DESCRIPTION OF BOBBEARD
Standing in front of you is a 40-something year old pirate with
a scar on his left eye. He looks to be about 5'11" (180 cm) and is a little
chunky around the waist. Even though he's old and haggard, Bob has
still retained some of his boyish looks (yes, I know, its contradictory,
that's the point). He has deep blue eyes that look quite timid (or
just docile). Bob shares his name with all 5 of his brothers and
2 of his 4 sisters, His other two sisters are named Bobxena and Boberella.

THE UTTER NONSENSE OF BOBBEARD
You ask him where he got his scar.
He asks, "Ever screwed up on shaving so badly that you create a
permanent stigma that you'll have to sulk with for the rest of your life?"
You nod no, quite shaken by the way his voice booms.
He says, "Neither have I", and looks away.