Three meters tall, bright green, and sporting a massive underbite full of oversized fangs, Brakzkul is a paragon of orkiness. He clumsily holds a machete in one big mitt and two rifles loosely tied together in the other, the trigger guards broken off so his thick forefinger can reach the triggers. A small palm tree, leaves and all, is strapped to his bare back; a plank bearing a skull-shaped blood smear is nailed to it, and a deformed squid and two halves of a skull hang from it on short ropes. Under a helmet topped with elephant tusks, his bloodshot eyes glare out at the world, looking for a fight.

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"I wuz born wiv a hunnerd humies aroun' me an' I killed dem all straightawayz. I kill ev'ryone dat don't believe it an' dat proves it's da troof.

Den I killed da biggest boss on Orfrus an' made 'iz mekboyz smash up da moon an' turn da pieces inta rokz. Wivvout a moon ta stand on, all da boyz 'ad to follow me to Jeriyun were we 'ad us a right fun Waaagh!, but da humies died too quick an' da space marinez didn' show dere faces. Me boys wuz itchin' ta fight marine boyz so I said me an' me power klaw wuz goin' to Terra an' any ork dat'z not a grot could come. Den da marinez would 'ave ta fight us or I'd put dere emperer's 'ead on me bosspole.

All da boyz got in da rokz dat would fit an' we blasted off into da warp. But da flyboyz was too stoopid ta find Terra even though I told dem it wuz next to da red planet, an' we gotz lost in da warp fer a long while. Evenshully we ran out of squigs an' da boyz 'ad ta eat each uvver an' I 'ad ta eat dem. Da uvver rokz got lost or sumfin', but becuz of my cunnin' me rok hit da erf like it wuz 'posed to. Unforshunnitly da boyz dat wuz left died inna landin' an' I wound up alone on a Gork-forsakun island dat don't look like it'z got any space marinez on it. It has humies wiv liddle choppaz an' shootaz, but I'z an ork an' a big'un too. Waaaaagh!!!"